im starting to notice that im getting back into normal human mode slightly. im finding it harder and harder to stay up late like ive been doing the last couple weeks. im falling asleep typing this now...why dont i just go to sleep??? because THAT, my friends, would make too much freaking sense.
which brings me to the subject of illogical (idk if thats even spelt right, but who cares right now) people. you see, got into a fight with my mama the other night, and one of the major things that started it was my door. yes, thats right, my door. you see, i like to close my door; gives me a sense of privacy, therefore i get things done a bit more proficiently or i can relax or relieve stress, not to mention sing and dance when no one is looking. but for some unknown reason, to the marvelous woman known as my mother, my door being closed means im doing nothing. but anyways, im sitting on my computer, actually getting what im suppose to be getting done done, and she opens my door after it being closed for an hour and a half (about) and GLARES at me, like i had done something wrong. so, i shift my eyes like any normal person and say "what?" and without even coming over to the other side of the room to look at my comp, she just assumes im goofing off! then tells me "ur door has been shut for over an hour" so i offer to show her what i have been doing, but she just continues to glare at me then tells me to keep the door open.
whatever.....took me hours to finish this....uhg....she just wont stop yelling!!
1:40pm
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
My fifth blog
the so many wonders of technology.
thing i hate bout my laptop the most is that, unllike an ordinary computer, crap can get underneath the keys. and not like dirty and stuff, i'm talking about HUGE stuff, like a stupid PEICE OF WOOD the size of a f***ing PIN HEAD that makes the letter D key NOT F***ING WORK! and so, the genius i am, took the D key off the keyboard and got a pair of tweezers to get the stupid wood thing, then spent over an hour trying to get the f***ing D key back on the damn keyboard! ARG!
but on the plus side, im falling into an endless pit of happiness with each day i talk to him. he is sooooo wonderful and makes me smile so much and just giggle at little things. it really is a wonderful feeling.
thats it for tonight i guess....got nothing to go on about really...
8:03
thing i hate bout my laptop the most is that, unllike an ordinary computer, crap can get underneath the keys. and not like dirty and stuff, i'm talking about HUGE stuff, like a stupid PEICE OF WOOD the size of a f***ing PIN HEAD that makes the letter D key NOT F***ING WORK! and so, the genius i am, took the D key off the keyboard and got a pair of tweezers to get the stupid wood thing, then spent over an hour trying to get the f***ing D key back on the damn keyboard! ARG!
but on the plus side, im falling into an endless pit of happiness with each day i talk to him. he is sooooo wonderful and makes me smile so much and just giggle at little things. it really is a wonderful feeling.
thats it for tonight i guess....got nothing to go on about really...
8:03
Friday, January 9, 2009
My fourth blog
and so life goes on. life is so glorious, so beautiful in every way. and even when life is rough, harder than anything and everything could ever be, its still gorgeous. its the beauty of making your own decisions, even for someone who cant make decisions (someone like me), its great to know the option is still there. it hurts a lot. like making a decision that you know will hurt someone else; what i had the glory of doing today. and im not exactly sure how i feel about it, all i know is that i hurt him. Badly. but for the last 6 months of the relationship, i had nothing from him. i put myself through hell and back just so he would be happy. and the only time i was happy was when he was happy. i could've won the freaking lottery, but if he was sad that day, i couldn't enjoy my happiness one bit. today (or yesterday if you want to be all technical with time and all) i decided to be selfish for the first time in a long time. i decided to tell him no. i wont let him call it abuse, i wont let anyone call it abuse, because it wasn't abuse, i cared deeply for him and being miserable with him was better than being happy without him. but so much happened after we broke up that i just can't believe him anymore when he says he still loves me. it doesn't matter. if he still loved me, then none of any of this would've happened. we would've been happy and together like he wanted, like i use to want. and maybe i still want it, im not sure. either way, right now, i have someone who wants to be with me, be there for me. he wants me to be happy. and best part is, he doesn't want to commit suicide. for once, i have attracted a decent guy that i am really really into that doesn't want to kill himself. he isnt battling depression. he's been through a lot of shit like i have, and he is ok; like i am ok. is it so wrong to want to be with someone like this? he's not attached to his computer like it was a third arm or he doesnt speak in wacko terms for simple things that i can't understand. just wow. i am so blown away by him. he's the very reason i am still up right now. i can't sleep im so giddy and happy and just feeling----i can't even describe what i'm feeling. it's so pure and infinate, too good to be true and yet so real. it's as though i am floating, so light and free. i have no real thoughts other than smiling or what he said to me last. i just, i have a smile on my face but i keep bursting into tears. what is going on?
5:38am
5:38am
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
My third blog
i decided i wanted to go to my Silver Lining Meeting today. so last night i set my alarm for some ridiculus hour of 12:30pm or something, and actually had every intention of going to bed around like 3 or 4 am, but ended up being side tracked by beautiful words....damn boys. dont get me wrong, they were lovely and i enjoyed every minute of his kindness, but he really took me by surprise! LIKE SERIOUSLY! where did he come from??? not that i dont know him or anything, but like, i never wouldve guessed-----but going on, i didnt get to bed til like 5-5:30 ish, so, 12:30 pm wake up was not cool at all, therefore i ended up sleeping through it...lucky for me, i set another alarm about 20 minutes before i was suppose to be at the school, which most girls know it is impossible to be completely ready in that much time, thus i was late.
so i went...what joy. i got to see what i use to be editor of again, which was ok i guess, but it was a bit weird seeing everything getting done without feeling the panic of deadlines and screaming "SOMEONE RETYPE THIS!" every other minute. instead, i got to see my successor do just that. i picked her, and im so glad i did! she is doing an excellent job so far.
but after that, i just came home and did nothing but take a shower and go to the doctor. i hate medical doctors...they get me made sometimes. like, just because they have a stupid peice of paper with the letters "P", "h", and "D' on it doesnt mean i have to do what they say. it really isnt so much the regualar doctors i dont like, its the OBGYN people who think they are all "above" everyone...arg...i always end up in a fight with them about how im not taking all of my cloths off. personally, i think the can groupe my breats with my ppants on, thank you very much. ha ha, i said that to one of them once....i'll never forget that look!
another look i'll never forget is the face on the conssesion (soooo spelt wrong) stand man at the movie theatres when my mama, best friend Timmy, and i went to see some movie. well, we were standing there and the teenaged boy asked if we wanted anything else when suddenly, Timmy grabbed my wrist and stared straight as he got a HUGE grin on his face. "im vibrating" he said. hes phone was in his back pocket....well, i laughed so hard i almost peed and the guy behind the counter gave us the weirdest look ive ever seen in my life! that was a funny night...
and so a new topic! was watching Ghost Hunters International tonight...i do like that show. whether they are faking it or not, they do a damn good job! however, the one thing that really gets me is when im watching a REALLY good episode, and you know an episode is good when you are actually getting scared and freaked out for them because they are like too bad ass to get scared or freaked out or something, and then suddenly, when the investigators are quiet and all is very intense and you're on the edge of your seat, THE WIND BLOWS THE LOOSE FLAP OUTSIDE AND SCARES THE LIVING AND DEAD DAY LIGHTS OUT OF YOU! i hate that so much....did that while i was sitting in my living room alone because mama went to bed. i didnt even know we had a freaking loose flap outside! like wtf??? well, it scared me, so i was like "shiiiit, ghoooooost...." but i sat there and watched the end of the episode, which was crazy good, and then hurried off into my bedroom to do just this; this being nothing, of course...
and on the subject of nothing; do guys really have nothing better to do than bother the crap out of me??? ok, so, im on the infamous facebook, of which i have become addicted to because i have no life other than pointless nothing, and suddenly, out of nowhere, i am bombbarded by a crap load of guys that i dont want to talk to asking me questions about sex or something; questions i dont want to answer. so i dont. and if they arent asking me about sex or whatever, they are trying to be similar to me, as if if i think they are similar to me, i would want to date them or something. you can always tell when people are doing that...it pisses me off, like, i sit back and muse them pretending i dont see their goofy badly planned out scheme, but its soooo obvious 95% of the time because they will be like "well, i like lima beans" and i will say "lima beans are gross and make me sick" they will have the guts to say "oooh, yeah, i know what you mean! they taste awful!"
for people like that, i sometimes wish i had a gun to just shoot myself in the head and put myself out of my misery from their stupidity.
but life goes on....and right now it is going ridiculusly (not spelt right) slow. its 11:54 pm amd nobody i want to talk to willingly is on...i am seriously considering just going to bed and try to sleep. if that happens, it would surely be a very cold and icey night in hell because i havent gone to bed before 4am in several weeks....but i highly doubt i'll do that because someone is eventually gonna come on and talk to me, and if not, i'm sure i could find something to occupy my attention deficit disordered brain.
which reminds me, i want to read more of my book....maybe i'll do that tomorrow....or later, depending on who is online for how long.
as for me, im done boring people with my exciting rants of whatever.
12:05am
so i went...what joy. i got to see what i use to be editor of again, which was ok i guess, but it was a bit weird seeing everything getting done without feeling the panic of deadlines and screaming "SOMEONE RETYPE THIS!" every other minute. instead, i got to see my successor do just that. i picked her, and im so glad i did! she is doing an excellent job so far.
but after that, i just came home and did nothing but take a shower and go to the doctor. i hate medical doctors...they get me made sometimes. like, just because they have a stupid peice of paper with the letters "P", "h", and "D' on it doesnt mean i have to do what they say. it really isnt so much the regualar doctors i dont like, its the OBGYN people who think they are all "above" everyone...arg...i always end up in a fight with them about how im not taking all of my cloths off. personally, i think the can groupe my breats with my ppants on, thank you very much. ha ha, i said that to one of them once....i'll never forget that look!
another look i'll never forget is the face on the conssesion (soooo spelt wrong) stand man at the movie theatres when my mama, best friend Timmy, and i went to see some movie. well, we were standing there and the teenaged boy asked if we wanted anything else when suddenly, Timmy grabbed my wrist and stared straight as he got a HUGE grin on his face. "im vibrating" he said. hes phone was in his back pocket....well, i laughed so hard i almost peed and the guy behind the counter gave us the weirdest look ive ever seen in my life! that was a funny night...
and so a new topic! was watching Ghost Hunters International tonight...i do like that show. whether they are faking it or not, they do a damn good job! however, the one thing that really gets me is when im watching a REALLY good episode, and you know an episode is good when you are actually getting scared and freaked out for them because they are like too bad ass to get scared or freaked out or something, and then suddenly, when the investigators are quiet and all is very intense and you're on the edge of your seat, THE WIND BLOWS THE LOOSE FLAP OUTSIDE AND SCARES THE LIVING AND DEAD DAY LIGHTS OUT OF YOU! i hate that so much....did that while i was sitting in my living room alone because mama went to bed. i didnt even know we had a freaking loose flap outside! like wtf??? well, it scared me, so i was like "shiiiit, ghoooooost...." but i sat there and watched the end of the episode, which was crazy good, and then hurried off into my bedroom to do just this; this being nothing, of course...
and on the subject of nothing; do guys really have nothing better to do than bother the crap out of me??? ok, so, im on the infamous facebook, of which i have become addicted to because i have no life other than pointless nothing, and suddenly, out of nowhere, i am bombbarded by a crap load of guys that i dont want to talk to asking me questions about sex or something; questions i dont want to answer. so i dont. and if they arent asking me about sex or whatever, they are trying to be similar to me, as if if i think they are similar to me, i would want to date them or something. you can always tell when people are doing that...it pisses me off, like, i sit back and muse them pretending i dont see their goofy badly planned out scheme, but its soooo obvious 95% of the time because they will be like "well, i like lima beans" and i will say "lima beans are gross and make me sick" they will have the guts to say "oooh, yeah, i know what you mean! they taste awful!"
for people like that, i sometimes wish i had a gun to just shoot myself in the head and put myself out of my misery from their stupidity.
but life goes on....and right now it is going ridiculusly (not spelt right) slow. its 11:54 pm amd nobody i want to talk to willingly is on...i am seriously considering just going to bed and try to sleep. if that happens, it would surely be a very cold and icey night in hell because i havent gone to bed before 4am in several weeks....but i highly doubt i'll do that because someone is eventually gonna come on and talk to me, and if not, i'm sure i could find something to occupy my attention deficit disordered brain.
which reminds me, i want to read more of my book....maybe i'll do that tomorrow....or later, depending on who is online for how long.
as for me, im done boring people with my exciting rants of whatever.
12:05am
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
My second blog
alright, well, i guess im just suppose to go off on rants or something about how my day was or whatever. it couldve been better, but then again it couldve been worse. i did absolutely nothing, and then after that, i went to chill with my friends and continued to do absolutely nothing with them! WOOT! yeah, i slept til like, 2pm or something because im a vampire and only sleep during the day because im up late wasting my time on this goofy internet that i still dont really know how to work...oh well...
im currently reading Noah by Jacquelyn Frank and am falling madly in love with him (Noah) and just about every other male character in the book. makes me sad that guys like them dont actually exist which def sucks for us women who want a romantic sexy guy around to treat us right and love only us and no other. that would be great. i mean, money wont buy my love, but love for me will def win me over. Not only that, these men are also crazy demon nightwalkers that have awesome powers or something. Noah's happens to be fire, so i guess you could imagine the intense heat from being around him...you know "its getting hot in here!" and what not. and they are drop dead gorgeous! i mean, i look at the cover of the book and want to die from sexual pleasure or something! WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE MODELS!?!?!?!?!?! AND DO THEY HAVE FRIENDS!?!?! uhg....how much you want to bet they are foreign? or gay? thats always the case....
oh well....
what i hate most is that im best at helping others with relationships and thing is, they most always work out and whatever, but when i take my own advice with my own relationship, it doesnt....WTF!?!?! i've pretty much given up on my own relationships and just let things go. and as big-headed as this may sound (excuse me while i feed my ego), i am the only person i know within a 100 mile radius with great relationship advice. no one else can actually care and give decent advice like i do.....but then again, i dont know EVERYONE within a 100 mile radius of myself, so who am i to talk?
anyways.....i guess this is it for now considering im being distracted by people and there more eventful lives than my own sad one where i do nothing but sit on my bed at the computer on the internet and fighting with Wayne Bradley about how i need those thoughts and ideas to write my book and short stories and poetry....stupid brain monster....
oh well....
im currently reading Noah by Jacquelyn Frank and am falling madly in love with him (Noah) and just about every other male character in the book. makes me sad that guys like them dont actually exist which def sucks for us women who want a romantic sexy guy around to treat us right and love only us and no other. that would be great. i mean, money wont buy my love, but love for me will def win me over. Not only that, these men are also crazy demon nightwalkers that have awesome powers or something. Noah's happens to be fire, so i guess you could imagine the intense heat from being around him...you know "its getting hot in here!" and what not. and they are drop dead gorgeous! i mean, i look at the cover of the book and want to die from sexual pleasure or something! WHERE THE HELL DO THEY FIND THESE MODELS!?!?!?!?!?! AND DO THEY HAVE FRIENDS!?!?! uhg....how much you want to bet they are foreign? or gay? thats always the case....
oh well....
what i hate most is that im best at helping others with relationships and thing is, they most always work out and whatever, but when i take my own advice with my own relationship, it doesnt....WTF!?!?! i've pretty much given up on my own relationships and just let things go. and as big-headed as this may sound (excuse me while i feed my ego), i am the only person i know within a 100 mile radius with great relationship advice. no one else can actually care and give decent advice like i do.....but then again, i dont know EVERYONE within a 100 mile radius of myself, so who am i to talk?
anyways.....i guess this is it for now considering im being distracted by people and there more eventful lives than my own sad one where i do nothing but sit on my bed at the computer on the internet and fighting with Wayne Bradley about how i need those thoughts and ideas to write my book and short stories and poetry....stupid brain monster....
oh well....
Monday, January 5, 2009
My first blog
Ok, so, this is going to take some getting use to...never really have blogged before, which, many find it hard to believe that a college student has never blogged before. Well, computers just aren't my thing. And to tell the truth, it is quite embarrassing when my best friend's 3 year old cousin knows more about computers and that weirdo Nintendo DS than I do. Who knew games could be so difficult! Anyways, before I go all off on how stupid I feel sitting next to a 3 year old at the computer section of the library and asking THEM how to use Microsoft Word because its too complicated for me to figure out, I hope everyone had a lovely day. The day is almost over for me, 10:33 pm......
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